My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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