I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
