That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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