One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
