I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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