Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The air taste purple.
Randomize
