my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
