3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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