Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
