I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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