thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
