you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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