i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
