You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
