Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
