so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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