it was like his penis was on wheels.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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