why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
