please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
