I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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