I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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