What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
