he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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