whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
