3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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