Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
