One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want nice things and good sex
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
