...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
