my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
