I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
