Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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found the other keg... it's in the tree
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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