I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
