To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Randomize
