And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
