can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
