I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
