if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
