some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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