Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
