brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
