if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?