So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?