Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo