Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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