Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
