..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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