He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
