Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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