Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
