White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
