She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so that wasnt chicken after all
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
