the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
