PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
