I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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