who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
