I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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