walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
