no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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