so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
