Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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