At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
