Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
