Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
