I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
