i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
