I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
