Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
