Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
