Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
