This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
