The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
