You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
