I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
