one might say we're banned from that church
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
