Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
