Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
