fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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