you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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